Tales fae Dr Makadoork's case book (the bliddy sowans)

Tales fae Dr Festing Makadoork’s case book.

The Bliddy Sowans!

 

 (sowans wiz made fae the husks of oats and fine meal steepit in water for aboot a week. Aifterhins it wiz syed throwe a strainer and left for the liquid tae separate, The stuff that sank tae the bottom wiz the sowans.)

   Aal Tammar jist wisna keepin ower weel, jist feelin gye fyaachy aboot the kite fylies. He wiz bangin sodium bicarbonate doon his thrapple at an affa rate. Betty his wife wiz gettin gye worried aboot him an priggit wi Tammar tae gyan an see the doctor. But the thrawn aal bugger that he wiz ayee pitten it aff, pittin it aff till the hinner ein it wiz Betty hersel that teen the bull by the horns an wint tae see the doctor. Doctor Makadoork listened tae fit Betty wiz tellin him noddin his heed here an there an clarifyin a pynt noo an then. He promised her that he’d hae a looky in by the morn on his rounds.
   Sure enough true tae his word Dr Makadoork came inaboot neist day. Brusque in manner he waakit in athoot announcement shoutin 

“Far aboot’s the aal bugger?” an near teen the heed aff o Tammar wi the scullery door. Tammar loupit clear o the swingin door wi an 

“Aliss ye hooer!” fae the shock and skailin a coggiefae o sowans he’d been awa tae ait for braakfast. Dr Makadoork neen pit oot nor carin that he’d near fleggit his patient intae an early kirkin says, 

“Michty min fit the hell were ye deein ahin the door like that for?”

 Nae wytin for a reply he jist mairched intae the middle o the scullery steppin throwe the skailed sowans an trailin them across the flagged fleer athoot a care. He slammed his doctor’s bag ontae the table near pittin the twa’r three dishes ontae it in the air. Turnin tae the still shocked Tammar he grumpit, 

“Richt noo! Fit ails ye min?” 

Tammar fair teen aback an wrang fittid shook his heed and managed in a reedy voice, 

“Nithing.” 

Aa but Dr Makadoork wisna haein ony o this, 

“Na na min, come on noo that’s nae fit I’ve been hearin!” 

Wi that he got Tammar tae cast his sark and seemit an even giein him a haan fin his galluses got in a redd up. He powked at his puddins makin Tammar yelp noo an then. He listened tae his lungs afore lookin intae his lugs and doon his thrapple. Jist as he feenished Betty came in fae feedin the hennies. 

“Oh Dr Makadoork yer here!”says she wi a quick dicht o her clyse tae get rid o the styowe aboot her fae the henhoose. 

“Wid ye be wantin a cuppy o tay doctor?” 

Dr Makadoork jist grumpit “Na na I hinna the time!” Lookin ower at Tammar ficherin wi his seemit an sark says, 

“There’s nithing that I can find wrang wi the aal bugger apart fae bein a bit waan an pale aboot the jaws. He speired at Betty fit he ait an wiz fair teen aback fin she tellt him that he only ait sowans. He’d them for braakfast, denner an supper ilka day an maybe a plate o birdie’s eenies on the Sabbath. He glowered at Tammar faa hid tellt him he teen nithing but gweed wholesome mait. Tammar’s een wint doon tae the flooer in bein caught oot in a lee. 

“A man body canna live on sowans min! they’re little better nor gruel!” 

Snappin his case shut he said tae Betty tae gie him plenty animal food tae get his system back up afore the silly aal bugger draps deed wi malnutrition.Wi that he made for the door squelching throwe the skailed sowans. Ower his shooder he shouted,

 “I’ll come in past in a fortnicht!” Then in a lower voice “Bliddy sowans?”
   A fortnicht later Dr Makadoork came in by and got a bit o a shock fin he saw Tammar sittin by the fire jist a shada o himsel an lookin gye peely wally aboot the gills. The doctor frowned an speired at Betty foo he wiz getting on aitin amimal food? Tammar gave a shudder an Betty pulled a face 

“Well he manages awa on the chappit neeps an fylies wi the linseed ile cake but ae me he jist canna be deein wi the strae Doctor!”

 

copyright © Patrick Hutchison

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