This story has been written in the Doric of North East Scotland and also the Cant of the Scottish Tinkers. For the Cant words I’ve translated each word between a [- - -] hard left against the word needing translated from the Cant done in italics.
Hanyakies The
Wee Cowies in the Veesh.[the little people in the wood]
The
‘Wee Hantle[little people]’ or ‘Gweed Fowk’ are only wee
craters, aboot the hicht o a body's fammil[hand] and are dressed in
green suits and the bonniest wee tychies[shoes/boots] on their
tramplers[feet] ye ever did deek[see/look]. The leather is that black
ye could use them for a mirror and each tychie[shoes/boots] has a
gowd buckle on it encrusted by emeralds teen ower fae Ireland.
The
‘Wee Cowies’[little people] like tae bide intae aal ruined
castles or Pagan forts and like nothing better than tae come oot in
moonlicht making music playing the fiaps [pipes] fiddles an dancin
till jist afore the dawning when they bing[go] back underground intae
their forts and castles. In Scotland oor ‘Wee Hantle’ wear a red
Tam-o-shanter on their tests[heads] and hae a tartan plydie wuppit
ower their left shooder and each has a wee crummoch made o hazel,
rowan or blackthorn tae garr ye loup with if they've a mind tae.
They're happy craters though and ayee like a good laach, that's why
they can be illtricket at times, it's only for reels so they can get
a laach at hantle[people] they've played tricks on. But sometimes
they can and do give some people their comeuppence if deserved.
Here’s one such tale.
There
was a Traiveller by the name o Charlicky and a queer deekin[looking]
goorie[man] was he with the sourest chackers[face] a body would ever
want to see. A bully of a man, he was bonny and shan[bad] to his
collich[woman/wife] and used tae pagger[thrash] her when he was
peevie[drunk]. And God help the poor dilly[lassie] if Charlicky had
gotten mowdied[a good thrashing] by some of the other Traivellers.
He’d go home and take it out on her as bully’s are apt to do. One
time they were campit intae a veesh[woods] in the back of beyond but
what they didnae jan[know] was that they were near a Faerie Rath.
The
‘Wee Hantle’ watched Charlicky pagger[thrash] his collich[woman]
like a jookle[dog] and were none too pleased. Tae the ither
Traivellers she was known as the Panda on account o the black
yaks[eyes] she got from her gadgie[man] when he came hame in a mess
of drink. Nae wanting to get involved in the workings of man the ‘Wee
Hantle’ did nothing till one night he nearly killed the lassie.
They couldn’t take it anymore so they put the sleep on him and
paggered[hit/mashed] his fammils[hands] with their wee blackthorn
crummochs to punish the croint[nutcase/idiot]. Next mornin aifter
the peeve[drink] and the magic sleep had worn off he awakened with
his fammils[hands] in pure living agony, big carbuncles the size o
doo's yarras[eggs] ontae every joint. “O shannish shannish![oh bad o
bad]” he cried tae his collich[woman] “Ma fammils[hands] are
feekit[fucked] aathegither Ah’m that sair A’h canna even pick ma
ain snotterbox ae me ae me!” Well he munted[cried] till his
collich[woman] took the last puckle coppers left in his pooches
aifter all the peeve[drink] the nicht before and bung[went] intae the
toon tae get the clochter[doctor] for her gadgie[man]. She
bung[came] back alang with the clochter[doctor] in his gig. He
deeked[looked] at her goorie's[man’s] fammils[hands] and said that
he'd teen arthritis and gave her some peels for him tae take for the
pain and charged three halfcroons for the pleasure. Aifter the
clochter[doctor] left Charlicky wint for his mort[womant] like a
whirlin dervish aboot the loore[money] calling her all the
pannies[bamsticks] under the sun. He sollached[swore] at her for one
oor and a half athoot ever once repeating himself. The slaivers
fleein fae his moiy[mouth] in strings and the very yaks[eyes] bulging
in his heed as he sollached[swore] at her. He kept roaring aboot the
lowie[money] till he lost the rag and tried tae mak a kick at her. He
couldna give it the Cabrach sweetie[back hand slap] as usual cause
his fammils[hands] were that sair. She jumped back oot o his way
shouting at him “ Ye coordy sleekit bastard!” afore
wulltin[hitting] him on yin o his sair fammils[hands] with a spurtle.
He squealed like a guffy[pig] it was that sair and tripped ontae a
stane lyin aside the camp fire. She didnae deek[see] the gift horse
in the moiy[mouth] an teen full advantage o her goorie[man] rollin
aboot the grun by running at him an standin fair square ontae his
fammils[hands]. Years o pent up fury then erupted fae her and the
memories of all the kickings sleekit Charlicky hid given her boiled
over intae one mighty kick at his sweety bag. By good luck for him
it didna land in his gowls[balls] but at the lusk o his groin though
he still squealed mair in fear than pain. It put its damaged
fammils[hands] doon tae protect its gowlies[balls] fae next kick and
this time her tychie[shoe] landed richt on target but it was the
fammils[hands] that got it instead o its gowls[bags] but the effect
was every bit as effective as if the gowlies did get it. It screamed
like a barrow load of scalded loochies[rats] with its yaks[eyes]
sticking out like hundog’s pyocks.
He
didna wakin up for aboot an hour and that was only because some other
Traiveller finding him unconscious threw a bucket o monti[water] ower
him tae take him roon. His collich[woman] was lang avree[away] back
tae its nesmort[mother] wi aa the kinchins[children] in tow. So it
lay muntin[crying] in the campy for three hours and seven days over
his sair fammils[hands] and its collich[woman] leaving him with the
chavies[children]. Eventually it jumped up, did two buck-leaps in the
air and said out loud “Ah’m aheedin[do not care] ma corrich[mad]
collich’s[woman’s] avree[away], let it rin, Ah’ll soon get
masel anither mort[woman] for am A’h nae a fine figure o a man?”
Aye
though it was tae get a richt mort[woman] later on. The
dilly[lassie] came over fae Ireland with a red head on it and she
could make him jump and clour[claw] whit wisnae itchy. She’d a
tongue on her that could clip cloots and it could fecht like a
gadgie[man]. Nae a Traiveller or ruchy[country person] was safe fae
her and they ended up mowdied[murdered a good thrashing]. That’s
the goories[men] I’m mangin[talking] aboot the collichs[women] were
all trash[scared] an didnae cross her. A bonny dose o
paggerins[thrashings] he got fae that mort[woman] I’m telling ye!
Aifter
that he wint by the name of ‘Hanyackies’ because of the black
yaks[eyes] and the carbuncles on his fammils[hands] that never wint
avree[away]. Every time it got yet another peelachin[thumping] fae
his mort[woman] the ‘Wee Hantle’ rolled aboot the ground laughing
with the tears streaming down their cheeks like the second flood.
Many’s the time the ‘Wee Hantle’ wid put the sleekit yowt[hit]
ontae its fammils[hands] with their crummochs when it was
slummin[sleeping]. He’d waken up screaming and his mort[woman]
would give him yet another paggerin[thrashing] for interupting her
beauty sleep in the middle o the nicht. Oh shannish shannish![oh bad
o bad] Come in yer waas cove![a bad situation friend]
copyright © Patrick
Hutchison
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