Sir Rollicking Roger

 

 

 

Sir Rollicking Roger

'I made my way past the church and slipped into the shadows next to the nave. I stood still as the old church warden of whom I'd been warned by her ladyship as he scuffled his way past on his rounds. Pressing back deeper into the shadows to remain concealed I heard him muttering to himself something that sounded very much to me like a swear word. In a moment or two he turned down past the fountain where, I had been told he secreted a half bottle of gin to warm him during his nightly meanderings. The lady I was about to meet on our secret assignation had informed me of that fact at luncheon.

I had been there meeting with some friends when I saw a most elegant young lady sitting on her own. She kept looking over in my general direction and I could see a certain type of hunger in her eyes that imparted to me even from the distance such hunger could possibly lead to coitus?
I had to entertain my friends though but in the midst of all the babble I felt my eyes being inexorably drawn to the vision of such beauty sitting there alone and with such appetite in her beautiful cornflower blue eyes.
I couldn't blame her for her obvious interest in my personage because that's the effect I had on the fair sex.
Momentarily I allowed my eyes to look into hers longer than would be classified as prudent if the said lady had been in the company of a gentleman friend. She reciprocated by a little gasp and put a hand to her ample breast as if about to faint at my interest. Again I couldn't blame the fair maiden for I was such a handsome chap and even though I am somewhat inclined to modesty about my faultless good looks
I allowed my eyes to linger and impart the message of pleasures that await her acknowledgement of a secret assignation with my good charming self. Briefly disengaging from my sultry look she called over one of the waiters and spoke to him. As she was talking he glanced over towards our table nodding his head. Moments later he came over and quietly whispered into my ear that her Ladyship would be most honoured if I would deign to join her for luncheon.
I observed that again her hand involuntarily went up to her breast. A sure sign in my estimation that the lady had desires of my getting much more intimate with her mammary glands and other anatomical parts of her person. I managed to extricate myself from the company of my friends who were on the point of departure to the smoking room for their postprandial cigars and conceived nothing untoward in my declining to join them.
Her Ladyship perceiving their imminent departure awaited my pleasure to join her still casting sultry looks in my direction.- - -

 
Several hours later- - - 

Now here was I hiding in the shadows until the coast was clear about to execute our planned assignation hatched between us at luncheon. Her elderly husband the Dean was off to Inverness on some church business and had left her to wallow heartbroken till his return on Thursday next poor creature. 

 On reaching the back door of the mansion house I quickly removed the key her Ladyship had passed to me at luncheon and with a hand slightly tremulous I inserted it into the lock and turned it quietly as was possible. As I completed the task I could not help but reflect that soon I would be inserting my own key into a quite different lock that would therefore reveal to me the most intimate functions of her Ladyship's most elegant personage. 

I quietly made my way upstairs to the lady's bed chamber taking care not to awaken the servants nor disturb any of the furnishings unseen in the darkness that lined one side of the passage. Well warned I kept to the right to avoid some catastrophic collision with one of the said objects. I could see in the distance the small candle that indicated her Ladyship's bed chamber. On reaching the door I snuffed out the candle and heard a clock strike midnight; the bewitching hour had come; the very hour of assignation was upon us and as directed I entered her Ladyship's bed chamber without preamble nor announcement.
Her Ladyship gave a little gasp on seeing me and once again her hand went up to her breasts. I went quickly over to the end of her bed and by the light of her chamber lamp could see her unencumbered breasts heaving and such beauteous glands they were. I quickly divested myself of my Rollicking Roger suit that I'd purchased from an establishment at the back of The Royal Mile a week hence. She gasped on seeing my now exposed upper torso with its bronzed rippling muscles much like a Greek God, or like something that da Vinci himself might have sculpted. I knew how absolutely fabulous I must look to this poor passionate mortal who lay now gasping at the prospect of coitus with such a God like figure.
I flexed my muscles making them ripple and dance on my torso accompanied by even more gasps of passion from this poor pleasure seeking individual. Not a word had passed since my entering her bed chamber apart from a series of gasps now becoming a passionate continuous groan coming from her Ladyship. So to add to her accumulating desires I now flexed my upper arms to show their latent power which complimented my huge muscle rippling chest and said- - "Observe fair maid for I am like a barrel of gunpowder about to explode at your command!" 

On stepping from the bottom of the bed exposing my full God like qualities to this poor helpless creature her gasps changed and eventually stopped altogether. After a moment or two she pointed at my man bit saying in a constrained humorous voice. "Indeed sir you are very much built as a barrel of gunpowder but alas one with but a two inch fuse!" At these words she burst out laughing still pointing at my man bit. Unable to form a retort to this disparaging mocking laughter I in a fit of passion re-dressed in my Rollicking Roger suit and boots and left the bed chamber slamming the door back on its hinges with a petulant crash uncaring now about awakening any of the servants. 

On gaining the passage I made sure in the passing I kicked at and upset as many of the dam fool little tables that lined the wall I'd been so careful to avoid but a few minutes ago. I could hear her Ladyship's mocking laughter follow me down the stairs just like a harlot; nay not like a harlot but a drunken slattern of the plebeian class resounding from within a whore house. As I passed through the egress I made well and sure that I slammed the door to cut off this horrendous pealing laughter. 

On making my way past the fountain I could see the old church warden enjoying his bottle of illicit gin whilst sitting at the fountain. He looked up and was about to say something but I smartly shoved two fingers up his nostrils held him thus whilst I removed the bottle from his grasp and never listened to his nasal protestations as I stood and drank the lot in front of him then on completion throwing the said bottle into the fountain with a splash. On leaving the vicinity of the startled angry church warden I was followed by a string of curses that would have done a trooper proud. Smiling evilly I congratulated myself that I'd been correct in my assumptions  of my hearing a swear word when I'd hidden in the shadows as he'd scuffled past.