The Feedlits.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Feedlits.

There wiz a Traivellin family caad the Feedlits that came fae up the Heilans somewye. There wiz fower kinchins[bairns] aa dillies[lassies] an goad-ova-jaesus they were big! The nestle[father] himself wiz jist the same as the dillies[bairns] wi big hingin chackers[face] an luricks o fat finivver he moved. He jist cooked aa the time makin habbin[food] tae feed his chavies[bairns]. It used tae sing fit he caa’d ‘Habbin Sangs’[food songs] always sung tae the tune o ‘Bonny Dundee’

“A goany[bag] o guffies[pigs]

Bonny fine chats

An luricks an luricks

An luricks o fat!”

Fin it manged[spoke] it spoke fae the front o its teeth an its big hingin moiy[mouth] sprayed slaivers aa ower the habbin[food] but the big kinchins[bairns] were aheedin[not worried] aboot the slaivers, they were biled aff in the pot.

Ither Tinkers wid hae a stand o chitties tae hing their cookin pots abeen the fire but the Feedlits needed three huge steel bars as chitties tae hud the ten gallon pot abeen the flames. The cowie[ in this case pot] wiz fulled o hamshanks an yella split peas. The pot wiz nivver yet teemed he jist keepit throwin mair shanks an peas intae the pot. Sometimes he’d throw in ingins, carrots, neeps an tatties as a bitty extra flavour for the bairns.

His mort[wife] wiz a wee collicheen[woman] wi leggies on it for aa the world like a hundog’s back end. It hid size two feeties so wore kinchin’s[bairn’s] tychies[shoes or boots] iron shod at the taes an heels so that fin it waakit aabody could hear it fae a haaf mile awa. Crick crack crick crick crack crack crack crick wint the tychies[shoes] as it left the camp tae ging oot its hawkin in the morning for mair hamshanks an paggered[broken] pruskies[biscuits]. Fin ither Tinkers heard the crack o its heelies or deeked[saw] it bingin[coming] they janned[knew] that wiz the country feekit[fucked] aathegither for there’d nae be one hamshank tae be gotten once the wee mort[woman] got them aa. Because fitivver could be said aboot it the wee collicheen[woman] could hawk some. That wiz one o the reason Traivellers wid mang “O shannish shannish!”[bad o’ bad, meaning depending on tone used] fin they deekit[saw] the fower horse wagon drawin in aboot tae an encampment wi aa the huge Feedlits in ower. The ither reason wiz the toich[smell]. Finivver the Feedlits came in aboot tae a place the first thing the wee collicheen[woman] did wiz tae dig a six fit hole aneath the wagon. The wagon wiz built ontae the flatbed larry fae a brewers. In the flooer o the wagon a hatch hid been cut so the big kinchins[bairns] didnae need tae ging ootside but jist sat on the hatch and emptied themsels intae the big pit ablow the cairt. Wi them haain[eating] the amount o shanks an yella split peas as they did aathing came through them like bylin lead.

The goorie[man] wid tak doon the big ten gallon cookin pot full o shanks fae the back o the wagon an get the fire gyaan. The chavies[bairns] wid be lyin on their sides roarin oot o them “Daddy daddy we’re croakin[dying] o hunger here!” So tae stave aff their hunger the wee collicheen[woman] wid throw in a hunnderweicht o broken[paggered] pruskies[biscuits] for the roarin moichers[mad people]] tae haa[eat] till the shanks were ready.

Aifter a few days o the chavies[bairns] emptyin themsels intae the pit the toich[smell] became overpowerin so ither Traivellers wid start tae move awa fae them. Some hantle[people] said the pit wid start tae bubble as the gasses escaped fae the jeer[shite] especially as the Feedlits threw in the sookit ham banes intae the mix. O shannish shannish![bad o’ bad, meaning depending on tone used] The toich[smell] must’ve gotten gye shan[bad] even for the Feedlits because the goorie[man] wid yoke the fower horses up and pull the cairt a puckle yards farrer alang. The wee collicheen[woman] wid then dig anither six fit hole aneath the wagon and pit the soil ontap o the aal yin. Aifter a week or twa o this there’d be a raa o bubblin toichin[smelling] molehills hotterin awa makin aabody cowk[vomit]. Anither reason apart fae the toich[smell] the ither folk didna like them at a camp wiz that in the middle o the nicht the kinchins[bairns] wid start roarin oot o them like moichers[mad people], “Daddy daddy we’re wantin a wee tasty morsel for wir lips!” they’d shout. The big goorie[man] wid get up fae his mallet[mattress] and pit the pot on tae bile as he’d sing one o his ‘Habbin Sangs’[food songs] at the tap o its voice tae the tune o ‘Bonny Dundee’

“The leg o a herrin

The fin o a cat

An luricks an luricks

An luricks o fat!

Aa the while throwin even mair hamshanks intae the pot wi a bang and a slash as they hit the the lip o the ten gallon pot. This noise wid get aabody upset aroon them.

At the screech o daylicht the wee collicheen[woman] wid get oot o its kip and aifter a haaf cuppy o slab[tea] an a broken pruskie[biscuit] it nashed[went] avree[away] its hawkin. Aifter it got oot ontae the ould ligg[road] its tychies[shoes] started the crick crack crick crack on the surface. It pushed a twa wheeled barra afore it tae cairry aa the habbin[food] fae that day’s hawkin. In the early licht o morning wi its hundog leggies an it queer deekin[looking] upper body an its lang nose it deekit[looked] for aa the world like a jookle[dog] pushin a barra. If it hidna been for the tychies[shoes] an the frock ye’d hae thocht it a dog deein a circus act. Of course ye janned[knew] it wisna a jookle[dog] fin it manged[spoke] tae ye.

It wid come hame at the end o the day wi the barra creakin under the weicht o aa the hamshanks an broken pruskies[biscuits]. Her big gadgie[man] wid come rinnin tae meet her like a panny[bam] mangin[speaking] and rubbin his fammils[hands] sayin “O shanni shanni shannish[by this tone and actions the meaning is good o’good o’ good] dilly[lassie] bonny an fine!” Then it wid help her unload the barra then top up the big pot for the kinchins[bairns] now roarin oot o them wi the hunger. He wid throw in a goany[bag] o paggered[broken] pruskies[biscuits] intae the wagon tae keep them quate for a while and keep them gyan till the pot wiz biled. There’d be nithing but crunchin sounds fae the wagon as the big kinchins[bairns] fulled their chackers[faces] wi this tasty morsel.

I met yin o the Feedlits fin I wiz a laddie at Aikey Brae horse market. She wiz billed as the ‘Fattest Woman on Earth’ and lay on its side on a reinforced cooch and hantle[folk] were peyin a hogg[a shilling] a time tae deek[see] it haain[eating] hamshanks. She tellt ma it wiz a bonny and easy job getting good lowie[money] tae lie on its side and haa[eat] habbin[food]. She’d teen the fancy for mair exotic hamshanks so the gadgie[man] that ran the show hired a wee Oriental goorie[man] wi one yak[eye] tae cook up the exotic shanks for her. It croakit[died] one day showin aff tae the hantle[folk] how many shanks it could haa[eat] at once an choked tae death on a bane. She wiz the last o the Feedlits and it wiz nearly ninety. Goad-ova-jaesus cove[friend]] my haan tae the heavens an let it come doon roasted if I’m tellin ye hochies?[lies]

 

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